August 14, 2013

The Resume


Matt and Amanda Hoffman are volunteers and foster parents for Angels of Assisi. They do wonderful things for all of the dogs in our care, but none has benefitted as much as our goofy hound dog, Trooper. This dog has been there and done that, and the Hoffman's have hung around for the ride.
In the beginning, Trooper seemed to be in the driver's seat, but with some training, patience, and love, it looks like things have shaken out nicely.
Below you will find Trooper's Resume, and it is a true testimony to the creativity that volunteers bring, and how they are the heart and soul of our organization. Matt and Amanda, you are the best, and we appreciate you so, so much.   

Trooper, Super

415 Campbell Ave. SW Roanoke, VA | (540) 344-8707 |

·   To obtain a full time position filling the home and hearts of my new family with laughter, devotion, and never ending love

·   I’d rather not talk about it

Bobbi wiggins High school of excellence
·   Major: Sitting/Down/Leash Walking-ology
·   Minor: Leaving It-Studies (Had to re-take a couple courses and did not achieve enough credits for a Major)
·   Related coursework: Canine/human (including children) interaction, general obedience, and life skills

Foster community college – currently enrolled
·   Major – Family Improvement Engineering
·   Minor – Exercise Science
·   Minor – Phycology and Mental Well Being

Skills & Abilities
attention to detail
·   Your details to be exact. There is nothing I want more than to be with you and make you happy.

·   I approach every day with the same vigor and happiness for life.  You must be warned that it is very contagious, and you will have a tough time feeling any type of negativity while I am around.

·    If you’ve never heard a hound dog like me howl while sniffing the backyard, you’ve never lived.  Some may say I have too much of a good thing on this one, but I have so much joy I want to share with everyone that sometimes it’s difficult to hold it all in. 

Physical trainer

I will ensure you are in proper physical condition via daily, and preferably multiple per day, walks and jogs.  You will never be in need of proper motivation as I will be right there with you the entire way and never let you forget.  My instructional style is to provide a complete body workout and vary the activity intensity.  I will normally let you choose the speed and will lead the way sweeping the ground to ensure it is safe for you to proceed.  Every now and then I do find a potential threat to your safety and decide to incorporate the removal of that threat with my physical training duties and make sure you understand the importance not neglecting your upper body during your exercise.  Deer in particular must be tough a lesson

Life coach·   I am a firm believer in getting yourself out there and meeting new people.  With me by your side, you will never be in shortage of people coming up to you to say hi (and of course to tell you how handsome I am).

Come on, just look at me!  One glance into my deep, soulful eyes, you will spill your guts about your mom, your boss, and that date in high school who never called you back.  I am a great listener and only want to hear about you.

FDA Certified Food Tester
To ensure you are eating only the highest quality foods, I am available to sample to give my approval to any and all meals you may partake in.  In full disclosure, I have received a negative evaluation at a previous employer for going above and beyond my work description and sampling foods which I was not scheduled to.  It could have been sitting on the counter for days going bad and I was only looking out for their health!!  Even though I only have your best interest at heart, I am working on sticking to pre-approved testing plans but still have some more progress to make.

Stand-Up comedian
Those people on TV got nothing on me.  I am the master of prop and physical comedy.  I never work blue, and my act is approved for people of all ages.  My specialty is asking members of the audience to come on stage and perform with me.  When that time of the act comes around, you’ll definitely want to be the one chosen

Varmint control and Home security officer
·   Rest assured that I will be on the case night and day keeping any un-wanted critters out of your yard, and protecting my loved ones.

Toy tester·   Have worked with the top dog toy manufacturers of the day, testing the durability and enjoyment of their products prior to hitting the market.  My specialty has become testing their aerodynamics as I toss them over my head and into walls.  Sadly, my negative feedback regarding some of the toy toughness has ended my previous positions.

Salary/Work Requirements

·   You’ll find my services come at a very reasonable price.  I only require adequate food, care, a soft place to sleep, plenty of head scratches and chin rubs, and occasional (or frequent would be ok with me too) treats.  I do not come cheap in the love department though.  My love for you will be never ending, and will be needing the same, but I do not anticipate any problems there.

Work environment
·   To properly perform my duties as your ever loving companion, I must ask for a nice yard with a 6’ fence to roam around in.  The only things close to the size of my heart, are my legs and sense of adventure.  Shorter fences and even electric ones have not provided a proper creative environment in the past.  A loving home environment, with access to toys, loved ones to play with, and at least one section of a nice carpeted floor for me to roll and scratch by back on.  An ample supply of towels must be on hand as I am a little bit of a sloppy drinker and drooler, but trust me when I tell you it’s completely adorable and hilarious. 

Co-workers·   I am fully capable of completing projects efficiently on my own, but work best as part of a team.  Competent in working with groups consisting of four legged and two legged members especially children.  My current team consists of two dogs (one of which insists on being group leader and bossing my around, which I have dealt with quite well), and a 2-year old toddler who I adore working with.  Along with my goofiness comes my clumsiness, and I am working on being a little more careful when she is around.

ReferencesI would say available on request, but if you pretty much just talk to anyone who has ever met me they will tell you how awesome I am and would be perfect to fill that availability in your heart.  Please contact the information above to schedule an interview.



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